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Hello again (or hello for the first time)!
Now be careful. I know email marketing
works - you are the proof of that! Every time I've sent this rubbish
out it's ended up in a little more work. However this "edition" is a
little different. I've changed the software I use to send this out
so now I can track where you go from here...... (Big brother is
watching you!)
See if you can spot my deliberate
omission - yep you got it - no mention of search engines! The search
engine world is in such upheaval at the moment I really haven't got
anything much to say. That said I am currently running a couple of
experiments to test what's really happening out there. The search
for a reliable way to register with search engines continues......
Anyway - the news! (start serious and
gradually degenerate into piffle)
 Email the way
you
want it.....As the
internet extends into everyday life, it is important that
your family and business is protected against the dangers it
can present. A small proportion of internet users have begun
abusing its astounding power to get information into the
home. These people will send out large amounts of
unsolicited email that is often offensive and can at times
be damaging.
More than 60% of email
traffic is made up of unsolicited messages known as spam and
3% of email traffic contains damaging viruses that can cause
severe disruption and possible data loss to your computer.
Email Systems have developed
state of the art technology that will quickly and
efficiently remove these messages from your email account
before they even reach your home or business. This will save
you time reviewing mountains of unwanted and often offensive
email.
WOW!
What a wonderful idea - the good news is, it
works! Seriously! And how much does it cost? About £4
a month - if that is going to break your bank you really
need to sort yourself out! I installed this system a couple
of weeks ago and I reckon it's already paid for itself in the
time I no longer have to waste sorting out the junk... (OK
it's not perfect - nothing is, but boy does it help!)
To find out more visit:
www.emailsystems.com
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News
| Yet more web sites...
If you haven't seen them yet
there are a couple of updated Artography web sites around, go
have a look!
Why do I do this?
Easy, I
consider the life of any website to be about 2 years. I also
think the more sites you've got the more chance of being
found.
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| Marketing your website
Marketing your site is a very
serious business - of course you can simply put it on line
and wait for the orders to roll in - but be prepared for a
long wait! If nobody knows it's there they're simply not
going to look at it!
There are all sorts of things
you can do to get your site noticed - I think the guy who
painted cattle with his web address so that people driving
past could see it was just a little extreme (but it did
work!). Also. some feel that having a pretty, young and
nearly naked girl handing out postcards with your web address on
them at shows and exhibitions can be a little sexist (if
highly effective!)
Bearing this in mind here's an
idea which has certainly worked for me - how about a sign on
your car? No not sign written or these huge plastic things.
They're fine for the company van but the car? Maybe not! So
how about this, a small chrome sign that looks like it's
meant to be there?
It's a
little more subtle than most signs and doesn't disfigure
the look of your car. I had one on my last car and it
definitely got me business. The trouble was when I sold
the car I broke it getting it off. It's taken me nearly
a year to track down another manufacturer but now I've
found one and am eagerly awaiting my new signs. (It
takes a while to get them, they have to come from the
States!)
Call if you're interested!
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Slugs & Snails &
Puppy Dog Tales...
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Meet Bella! The latest addition to our long list
of Guide Dog puppies, she's number 14 and 10 weeks
old as I type this.
She's
another German Shepherd - supposed to be black and
tan but there's a hell of a lot more black than
there is tan at the moment! Just like her big sister
Ruby she's a sponsored pup - this time sponsored by
the good folks at Denton Wilde Sapte - solicitors in
Milton Keynes (and lots of other places!)
As
for the slugs & snails - I've given up now - the
Hosta's have flowered and as we're now fast
approaching Autumn I've decided to give the little
buggers a chance - they've got about 2 weeks till I
clear the garden!
Of course next year is a whole new ball game...
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It makes me MAD!!!
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Speed cameras!
Need I say more?
-0-
Guess who just
got caught! |
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They're still at
it!Watch out in your post
box for a letter from "Domain Registry Services" asking you to renew
your domain for £60. It looks real official and the immediate
temptation is to pay up - but DON'T it's just another form of
spam. This is roughly what the letter will look like!
Sample
(thanks to Easy Internet for scanning the letter for me!)
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| Another String to
the Bow Weddings -
love 'em or hate 'em they're here to stay! The amount of
times I've been asked to quote a wedding photographer for a
website is too silly to mention and yet I've never designed
a website for one! They all seem to think they can do better
themselves. While there are some good websites for wedding
photographers the vast majority are frankly home made
rubbish! I can't deny these guys can take a picture but they
really can't design a website!
Another thing happened a few
weeks ago. A friend was getting married and asked if I could
take the pictures at his wedding for him. This is something
I usually shy away from because I really don't enjoy it.
However when I saw some of the utterly ridiculous quotes he
had got from so-called professional photographers I saw red!
The prices ranged from £1500 at the bottom end up to over
£6000! I'm all in favour of folks making a living but this
was taking the...... For £1500 all he got was 12
prints!
Now I don't really claim to
be a wedding photographer but I did take the pictures at my
friends wedding and a week later presented him and his new
wife 3 sets of 100 prints, one for him and one each for both
sets of parents. I charged him £750 -
 less than half of the
lowest quote he had managed to get and 10 times as many pictures
included!
Me? - I made a tidy profit, shall we say over £100 an
hour after all expenses so no-one lost out!
That gave me a little idea -
if photographers think they can design websites, well why
can't a web designer take wedding pictures??? What do you
think of the result?
www.artography-weddings.co.uk
Don't forget to tell your
friends now...
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| New &
Updated Sites:
Lightlink
Lighting
San Antonio lighting designer
and jazz musician Mike Brannon is achieving critical and
commercial success around the country and internationally
with his new collection of original art lighting.
[See the site]
Landscape Gardening Services
Landscape Gardening Services Ltd., (LGS) based in Reading,
Berkshire are an award winning landscape gardening company
specialising in water gardens and natural stonework.
[See the site]
Robert
Darvall (Iberia)
Robert Darvall Iberia - the specialist furniture removal
company for when you move from the United Kingdom to Spain
or Portugal.
[See the site]
Chiltern Medical Clinic
A modern concept in health and skin care. Combining state of
the art laser and more traditional treatments for men and
women of all ages on the Berkshire and Oxfordshire Border.
[See the site]
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Problem Solving
A man was going up to bed, when his wife
told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed -- she could see
it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn't been in the
shed that day. He looked himself, and there were people in the shed,
stealing things.
He rang the police, but was told no-one was in his area at the
moment, so no-one was available to catch the thieves. He said OK,
hung up, counted to 30 and rang the police again.
"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because there were people
in my shed? Well, you don't have to worry about them now, I've just
shot them all."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area,
an Armed Response unit,
 the
works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the
policemen said to the man:
"I thought you said you'd shot them!"
He replied "I thought you said there was no-one available!"
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| No Kidding - these
are genuine!
Instructions on consumer
products. I think the human race has finally lost it....
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On a Swedish chainsaw: |
Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands |
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On an American
Airlines packet of nuts: |
Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts. |
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On Sainsbury's Peanuts
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Warning: contains nuts
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On a Japanese food
processor: |
Not to be used for the
other use |
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On a string of
Chinese-made Christmas lights: |
For indoor or outdoor
use only. |
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On a Korean kitchen
knife: |
Warning: keep out of
children |
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On Nytol (a sleep
aid): |
Warning: may cause
drowsiness |
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On Boot's Children's
Cough Medicine: |
Do not drive car or
operate machinery |
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On packaging for a
Rowenta Iron: |
Do not iron clothes on
body |
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On Marks & Spencer
Bread Pudding: |
Product will be hot
after heating |
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On Tesco's Tiramisu
desert: |
Do not turn upside
down.
(Printed on the bottom of the box.) |
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On a hotel-provided
shower cap in a box: |
Fits one head. |
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Swann frozen dinners:
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Serving suggestion:
Defrost. |
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On a bar of Dial soap: |
Directions: Use like
regular soap. |
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Before I forget! |
Feeling overworked?
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Insults:
Just in case you ever get
stuck for an insult here are a few from a rather well know
17th century playwright....
- Thou villainous
tardy-gaited Strumptt
- Thou goatish
fly-bitten fustilanan
- Thou wayward
toad-spotted vassal
- Thou frothy fen-sucked
flirt-gill
- Thou spleeny
rough-hewn pigeon-egg
- Thou roguish pottle-deep
moldwrap
- Thou reeky
plume-plucked miscreant.
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Quick follow on from last month: Many thanks to my friends in
the US of A who sent me the first 5 episodes of Stargate Atlantis!
So where's the rest???No film
review this time - haven't been to the cinema for a while!
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The bottom
line:
Three things happen
when you get old. First your memory goes, then... um... um...
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"The Fridge Door" is a miscellaneous
collection of piffle sent out to folks who have at some point used
Artography to design a web site or at least enquired about such
things. We try to keep it light hearted, not even remotely
politically correct and a little off the wall. If you've got
anything you'd like to see or want included - ask! See the main site
at www.artography.co.uk
for contact details and
click
here for past issues.
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